The Breastfeeding Talk I Wish I’d Gotten

People hand you tips.
They send you reels.
They say “just make sure the latch is good” and “breast is best” and maybe “fed is best” if they’re trying to sound inclusive.

But what most people don’t offer is the one thing that actually helps:
Permission to feel all of it, and not make it mean something about your worth as a parent.

So here’s the breastfeeding talk I wish someone had given me.

1. It might hurt, even if you’re doing it “right.”

You can have a great latch, all the pillows, nipple balm, and hydration – and still feel like someone is dragging glass across your chest in the first week.

That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means your body is learning something brand new.
It’s adjusting, stretching, healing, and it’s working hard.

Yes, get help. Absolutely.
But also know: pain doesn’t always mean something is wrong.
Sometimes it just means it’s early.

2. It might be lonely, even if it’s “working.”

Breastfeeding can be bonding and beautiful.
But it can also be isolating and relentless.

You might be holding your baby while scrolling Instagram at 3am, wondering why everyone else seems to be glowing while you’re cracked, exhausted, and Googling “how to know if baby is getting enough.”

You’re doing something that only you can do, and that’s powerful.
But it’s also a heavy kind of responsibility.
You’re allowed to miss your freedom. You’re allowed to want a break.
That doesn’t make you ungrateful. That makes you human.

3. You’re allowed to feel disappointed, even if you choose to stop.

You don’t have to justify your choice.
Not to your midwife. Or the internet. Not to the invisible critic in your head.

If you switch to pumping.
If you combo feed.
If you stop nursing altogether.
If you love breastfeeding.
If you hate breastfeeding.
It’s all valid. Every bit of it.

You‘re not a failure for choosing your sanity.
You aren’t selfish for protecting your mental health.
You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

4. Support needs to come before the breakdown.

Most people only get real support after they’ve cried through the night, soaked through their shirt, and thought “I can’t do this anymore.”

That’s too late.

You deserve guidance before it’s desperate, information that makes you feel prepared – not just idealized messages about “how natural it is”, and you deserve support from someone who sees the whole picture, not just latch technique.

5. What you feed your baby isn’t your identity.

Breastfed babies can struggle.
Formula-fed babies can thrive.
Pumped milk is still breastmilk.
Your baby doesn’t care what Instagram thinks.

Breastfeeding isn’t a morality contest.
You are not less “devoted” because you didn’t follow some exact plan.
You’re a whole human. Your needs matter. Your baby needs you, not your output.

Let’s stop equating feeding method with success.
You don’t need to explain your choices to anyone.

Prepare Before You’re in the Thick of It

Breastfeeding might be easy for you. It might not.
Either way, the best thing you can do is prepare for the spectrum of experience – not just the idealized version.

That means:

• Knowing what’s normal vs. what needs support

• Understanding how your emotions and nervous system affect feeding

• Learning how to involve your partner or support system from the start

• Having permission to pivot without guilt

Devoted Birth Goes There, Because You Deserve That

Inside Devoted Birth, you’ll find a full module on feeding prep. Because your experience deserves more than a bullet-point list of latch positions.

You’ll learn:

• What actually supports sustainable feeding (emotionally + physically)

• How to build realistic expectations around lactation

• What kind of support to line up before baby comes

• Partner tools and postpartum planning resources

This isn’t about doing it all “right.”
It’s about trusting yourself, asking for help, and choosing what works for you.

👉 Explore Devoted Birth here

Here’s a little peek inside the Lactation and Pumping Module 👇

Final Thought

Breastfeeding is complex.
You can love parts of it and hate others, you can succeed and still struggle.

You can try, change your mind, try again, or walk away.

None of it defines your worth.

You’re doing something hard.
You deserve better preparation, more support, and way less pressure.

Let this be your permission slip:
You get to feed your baby and protect your peace.